If menstrual products don’t scale, neither will I scale.

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People who menstruate, say it with me: menstrual products are a bit of garbage. Or at least my experience with them has been for 20 years. Why does the very thing that was created to have our backs at the most sensitive moments keep failing us?

There are few things more excruciating than ripping a maxi pad out of your ass crack. No one can tell I’m not a gangster after slowly feeling every hair on my ass peel off the glue of the tampon. God only knows what kind of damage I did to the skin on my butt and what kind of chemicals got trapped up there.

As a reformed tampon user, I’m pretty old school when it comes to pads: I’ve tried everything from Always to U Kotex Sports to Stayfree, and, without fail, at the end of the day, the towel is leaking, too big, not sticking in the right place and/or stuck in my crack like an ex wanting that old thing back. I’m not asking for much – my cycle is usually around five days and only moderately heavy, so all-day coverage and a tampon that stays in place shouldn’t be such a hard tech to figure out for a species that has succeeded in putting a man on the moon five decades ago.

And this week I learned that I was one of many women who had less butt hair than they did when they started after using regular sanitary napkins. This week, another black woman went viral on Twitter after sharing that she was rushed to hospital in septic shock after an Always tampon got stuck in her buttocks while she slept.

Although I know this experience is rare, after seeing the horrifying responses from women around the world about their chemical experiments with tampons, I decided it was the perfect time to ditch the old and maybe… be trying something new. I’ve been told that even sanitary napkins and alternative menstrual products marketed as “natural” aren’t much better than mainstream brands. So where does he leave me?

I embarked on a bloody quest to find the perfect menstrual product, and now I’m taking you all on the journey with me. It’s going to be complicated, but someone has to do it.

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